Chapter 1 - I Need You To Listen
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CHAPTER 1 - I NEED YOU TO LISTEN
IS IT TIME TO PAUSE AND LISTEN FOR GOD’S DIRECTION IN YOUR BUSY LIFE?
“My sheep listen to my voice;
I know them, and they follow me.”
—John 10:27 NIV
I was the global head of human resources, and a fellow execu- tive had stopped by to ask for my help. I don’t recall what we were talking about. Maybe it was a deal, an employee issue, or
possibly recruitment for a new role. Whatever it was, by the time we wrapped up, he had exactly what he needed and was bubbling over with praise.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the sun glistening through the window as I watched him walk across the room. The door closed, and as I heard the latch quietly click shut, an overwhelming feeling of shame settled over me like a heavy, suffocating blanket. As I paused to reflect on his words, out of nowhere a quiet little voice assaulted me. “Leah, the woman he sees at this moment is not the same woman who shows up at home and with her tribe. And she’s definitely not the same woman who walks through the doors of her church every weekend.”
You see, I was tired.
Every day I started at zero and ran until I pushed myself past one hundred.
My motto was: “Excellence is not a singular act, you are what you continually do” (attributed to Aristotle).
Every day I was doing the most, trying to be everything to everybody, and I was exhausted.
On top of that, my belief in God also required a commitment that trumped my feelings on any given day. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23 NIV). You see, in the end, God was my real boss.
Even though most days I loved the challenge, that didn’t make it easy. You see, where there are people, there are complications. And for me, the daily churn of the corporate engine and the world of HR, with all its policies and practices, sometimes felt like a ship hitting the rocks of the reality of people’s lives.
On a personal level, it was a struggle as well. Every morning, I was up at five to work out and start my day, but still, my weight bounced up and down like a seesaw ridden by two aggressive five-year-olds. If all of that wasn’t enough, something unexplainable was happening as well. Even though I had no clue what was going on at the time, what I now know as perimenopause showed up early and uninvited at my doorstep. In spite of all of that, at work most days I was able to show up with confidence. But on some occasions, as one of the few female leaders in the company, I still felt the “onlyness”—the feeling of loneliness you get when you’re the only one in the room—set in.
On the home front, it was no different. Two young kids, homework, one on one time, birthday parties, cooking, all while trying to be a good wife. In some ways, my family—in particular, my husband
—has always been my counterbalance. To this day, I can still hear my husband’s voice in my head: “Just relax, we don’t need gourmet meals and lots of company. Cheerios will do just fine.”
In fact, during one conversation with my then eleven-year-old son about my value of excellence, he looked at me and said, “But Mom, does everything really have to be excellent?” In the moment, I was stumped into silence as I wondered if my values had become too tall a measuring stick for my life.
After all the work and home life, then came my tribes. There were so many relationships where I simply didn’t have time. As a person who enjoys close connections, I struggled with drive-by meetings and shallow hellos. I needed time with my people!
My solution: Organize regular get-togethers at the house. I would spend hours cooking and preparing the house for guests, only to pass out on the couch from exhaustion while my guests were still there!
At church, the story repeated itself. I loved my roles and minis- tries. I was passionate, opinionated, and always looking for ways to improve things and help us operate “more effectively.” With my high standards and overflow of ideas, I struggled with anything that was unorganized or “last minute” or anything that got in the way of our careful planning. I often became frustrated, and even when I didn’t voice my frustrations, resentment was building on the inside. What had once been a weekend oasis of praise and worship was twisted into what felt like a weekend prison of tasks, duties, and long meetings.
As a result, I became a woman who walked through the doors at church no longer excited and wanting to serve. I was tired. Actually, I was exhausted. And even though I tried to be patient and loving, more often than not I found myself missing the mark. At some point, I shifted from loving and serving to just getting it done. It was just another series of tasks that needed to be completed with complicated people, and frankly I was tired. And, by the way, I’m not putting myself on a pedestal here; I believe every human being is complicated, including myself.
Perhaps you can relate to some parts of my story, or maybe even to all of it. You’re trying to give everyone and everything your best, but somewhere along the way, life starts to get overwhelming and you lose your sense of peace.
I believe the woman who pursues peace and love will place herself on a path to build the kingdom of God.
When we ask God to help us show up differently in our relationships, we give Him free rein to provide the people, predicaments, and problems to reposition us to become His hands on earth and to share His love.
However, that day in my office, as I turned to look out the window, peace and love were the furthest things from my mind. It was as if I was staring into a mirror and a stranger was looking back at me. Lost in this sudden train of thought, I felt the weight of my life and complicated relationships on my shoulders. I also felt...shame. As I rolled this unexpected barrage of thoughts over and over again in my mind, I heard a still, small voice say to me, “Leah, it’s okay. I’m not here to crush you with shame. But it’s time to make a shift, and I need you to listen.”
As I stood up to leave my office for the day, I had no idea what God was doing or the process He would take me through so I could fully understand what that shift would mean. Little did I know He was setting me up to hear Him more clearly and experience relationships in a whole new way.
As we close out this first devotional reading, let’s pause for a moment to pray. In fact, at the end of each chapter I’ll invite you into a moment of prayer. These moments will be your opportunity to ask God to help you Be Different. To lend you His strength to be His hands on earth and become the woman He’s calling you to be. Let’s pray.
Prayer
Dear Father,
For so long, one of my deepest prayers has been to hear Your voice. To understand Your purpose for my life—how You would use me, and the lives I would impact. For too long, I have allowed the pressures of life and my desires to bury the gentle prodding of Your Spirit. God, in this moment, I pray we can start over. I want to hear from You. I want to be Your hands. As I take this journey with You, please reveal Yourself to me like never before. I’m ready!
Amen.
Meet The Author
Leah JM Dean is a bestselling author, speaker, coach, and trusted advisor to organizations and leaders across the globe. She is also Founder and CEO of Conduit International Ltd., a professional and personal development solutions company dedicated to helping organizations, leaders, and women work smarter, live well, and foster meaningful connections. A self-proclaimed recovering workaholic, Leah is passionate about helping her clients find strategies to optimize their work, invest in their wellbeing, and make a lasting impact on the lives of those they touch. To learn more about the book Be Different and pick up your copy, visit https://www.leahjmdean.com/be-different
